i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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