Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
