the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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