Who did Billy Mays play for?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
