they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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