I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
