When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
