My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
