I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
