no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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