Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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