If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize