Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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