a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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