"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
