6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
