I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
