Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
