I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
