my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
