Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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