plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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