my vag is so smooth its legendary
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do vagina's smell?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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