I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
