when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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