omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
