dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
