I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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