dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
