I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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