he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
