I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize