well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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