the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
