I can tuck mytits in my pants
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
