is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
