I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
