we have officially lost it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
