I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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