She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
