I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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