he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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