Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
