I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
