Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize