Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
