I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
