Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jerry, you need to find god
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize