i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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