I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
These tits shall not be calmed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
