I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
