I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
