Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
