Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
