I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
