Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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