So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize