my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
