I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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