he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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