i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
