I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize