I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
