I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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