If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
