GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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