I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
