sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize