This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
