i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
