Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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