Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
