I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize