just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
