thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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