Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
