do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
