just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
