your thong is hanging out like whoa
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
