Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
