I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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