i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
