I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
