I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
