How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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