True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
