Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
