new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
