I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
