Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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