Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
