I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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