If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
