we have officially lost it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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