I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
