I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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