Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
