I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
