For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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