i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
