Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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