everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
