new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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