ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
