You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
